Understanding Behavior : People Do Things for a Reason
Strive to understand individuals before judging their words and actions.
By Leland E Pulley
We often see people do things or act a certain way in a given situation and wonder why they say and do the things they do. We simply do not understand what they are doing. We would not do the same things in the same situation or under the same circumstances. So why is the other person doing something different than we would do? There could be lots of factors involved including age, sex, heredity, family life, educational level, health, culture, or religion.
Let us first presume that the other person is mentally healthy. He is logical and has some common sense. Even with these presumptions, we will witness a lot of behavior that we simply do not understand or fully comprehend. The secret is to avoid quick judgments with limited knowledge about the other person. Instead, learn why he does what he does.
People accumulate a lot of experiences over time. Ideas, concepts and facts are stored in their brain. Positive and negative feelings have been generated and are now remembered. Habits have been formed and attitudes developed. Relationships have been started, continued, and some have been dropped. There has been a track record established with both failures and success stories. In essence, each person has been developing his own book of life. If you want to find out why he is saying and doing the things he does today, you need to understand his book of life.
With an open mind and some human concern, get to know the other person. Let him reveal how he thinks and feels, especially relative to the behavior you are concerned about. In this way you can view the situation or incident from his perspective. You begin to understand the whys behind his words and actions. It is then and only then that a reasonable judgment can be formed on what he said or did and what should be done about it. In the process, if he senses that you are trying to help him, it is more likely that he will cooperate with you and your mutual efforts will lead to better results.
Understanding why people do the things they do makes it easier to accept them for the individuals they are. It becomes easier to tolerate some of their differences from you. You can accept more readily the reality that they will do and say different things than you in the same situation or circumstance. Once you adopt this approach, it will be easier to get along with others and them to get along with you. There will be better feelings and more cooperation between you.
There will be occasions when a person’s behavior is not reasonable nor acceptable, even when you have done the things above. The next step is to take appropriate action to help the individual change his behavior. There are many methods and techniques that could be utilized. Began with the softest approach which gives the other person the greatest responsibility to do most of the changing on his own. If this does not seem feasible or does not work, then move to the next phase which involves more help from others to get the individual to conform or improve his behavior. If this does not work and the other person’s behavior is still not acceptable to you, then consider separating yourself from the individual. In other words, cease your interaction with him or remove him out of your life. Some people call this putting a social wall between you and the other person. Finally, when a person’s behavior affects you and/or others in a serious way, legal action can be taken against him. This can vary from lawsuits to restraining orders or time in jail.
I challenge you to always look for the reasons behind personal behavior as you interact with various individuals daily. The reasons are there and can be obtained quite easily from lots of different people. This includes people with a different background than you. Understanding the reasons behind behavior should become your normal mode of operation as you interact with people and form opinions about them or pass judgment on them.
Just as you should understand why people do what they do, you and others should understand why you do the things you do. They interact with you and question what you say and do. Some of your behavior may not make a lot of sense to them. They could form the wrong opinion about you or misjudge you. So, to be most effective, remember your own responsibilities in this area of mutual understanding. Just as you need to understand others, allow them to understand you. Strive to figure out the reasons behind your words and actions. Work to improve your example. Be willing to share with others why you do the things you do. This is good therapy for you and encourages others to open up and share their reasons with you. Mutual sharing benefits everyone.
In summary, we all need other people in our lives. We need them and they need us. It is important that we learn how to interact in the best manner possible. All of us should strive to exemplify good behavior on a daily basis. As you personally interact with others, strive to view them as the individuals they are. Try to understand the reasons behind what they say and do. It will become easier to understand them, associate with them, work with them, or live next door to them. Likewise, let others know the reasons behind your behavior. Allow them to know and understand you better. Ultimately, you will be happier with them, and they will be happier with you.
If you enjoyed this article, you can find more content like this under the Topic Categories link. We also look forward to our readers input, so please put a “like” or leave a comment.