The Value of Good Coping Strategies
Everyone should develop strategies for dealing with problems, disasters, illness, deaths and other challenges in order to learn and grow while living through the experience.
By Colleen Pulley
A small child was brought into a hospital where I was working. The tiny arms were bruised and bore the marks of healing cigarette burns. We tried desperately to save the child, but he died. We all felt a sense of loss that we could not put him back together again, as well as a sense of rage at the perpetrator of the injuries. The police were called, and eventually the mother and her boyfriend were taken to jail. This eased some of our anger.
Over the next several months this child would surface in our conversations. Most of us expressed the rage and helplessness we felt as we worked desperately to save this child. More anger erupted when we discovered the mother and boyfriend were released on bail, and were sentenced to six months of parenting classes, and a year of probation.
When you are employed in an area where you are confronted with crisis situations, there is usually a team to help the staff debrief after the event. This gives professionals a means to put things in perspective and helps them deal with the emotional fall out of the event.
It is interesting when I observe the way people deal with stress in their individual lives. Some people seem to sail through one crisis after another without too much impact on their daily life, while others will crumble at the slightest stressor. What is the cause for this variance?
Most people have heard about Critical Incident Stress Management Teams arriving on the scene when a plane has crashed, and when a hostage situation, or a catastrophic event has happened. Often people will chuckle under their breath when the news media talks about this. But these teams do serve a purpose.
We all experience negative events in our lives. The person who has developed effective coping strategies will usually pass through these experiences, becoming a stronger person. Unfortunately, many people today have not developed coping strategies that will carry them through a trying situation without losing control, swearing, or at times resorting to retaliation.
One of the greatest things we can do for our children is to help them learn how to cope with life’s disappointments. We shouldn’t think that by protecting them from negative things, we are making them stronger people in the future. A good example of this is the emergence of a butterfly from a chrysalis. When I was in grade school, we gathered milkweed with chrysalis. We put them in our classroom in jars to await their emergence in the Spring, as butterflies. One of the young boys watching a butterfly trying to break through the chrysalis, thought he would help the butterfly by tearing the chrysalis apart, so the butterfly wouldn’t have to work so hard. We learned a hard lesson about life as we gathered around, and the teacher explained to us that the struggle to emerge from the chrysalis was necessary so the butterfly could develop enough strength to flap his wings and survive. The butterfly struggled and fell to the floor and died.
We are the butterflies that need to struggle through adversity. We need to figure out how to cope with disappointments, and how to maneuver through life and have success. At some time, we all face situations where we would benefit from the presence of a Crises Intervention Team. The reality is most of us will have to muddle through the best we can.
We become stronger as we learn and understand. This is something parents really need to teach their sons and daughters. Next to exposing them to trials, make sure you also let them know that when the going gets too tough, they should call for help. We all benefit from some outside help at times. To your success. Until later... Colleen
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