Successful and Long-term Marriage
Seek a strong and happy long-term marriage during earth life and beyond the grave.
By Leland E Pulley
We need more good marriages in our society. These should be happy and successful marriages that last over decades of time until either husband or wife dies. Unfortunately, not enough people are getting married and there are too many divorces. Why is this occurring and what is the solution?
In the United States, I can see several contributing causes to a decline in happy, successful, and long-term marriages. Let us go back over 50 years to the beginning of the feminist movement.
No fault divorce became acceptable and popular.
Along with this came smaller families.
The father was no longer considered the automatic head of the family.
Women began to compete with men in jobs and other activities. It seemed that a woman could do almost anything that a man could do.
There has been a decline in church attendance and importance in the lives of too many people. In general, religion supports marriage and having children.
Daycare centers have become popular. Along with schools, kids spend more time with third parties than with parents during the week. So, who has the most impact on raising children or training them or educating them?
Over the many years since then, the importance of marriage between an adult man and woman has not been stressed in the schools, in the movies, in business, and in the communities. It must not be that important if there is little talk about it, right? Without this stress on marriage, the numbers of single adults have grown. Besides, as one lady told my wife and I a few years ago, “marriage is just a piece of paper anyway. I can live with my man, and I don't need marriage”.
Marriage is supposed to be based on a partnership between the man and the woman. They work together to build a strong relationship and quality home life. They are not supposed to be competitors. Otherwise, questions come up like whose job is more important or who makes the most money? In divorce, who gets the kids?
Usually, the problems begin in childhood and adolescence when boys and girls experience divorce and single parenting. Where is the absent dad or mom? All children deserve two parents in the home, do they not? The obvious answer is yes. They need to see a masculine and feminine role model. The best solution for any society is strong marriages and good parents. As these young people grow up and become adults themselves, they become products of the socialization experienced earlier in life. It has told them that they can do whatever they want relative to marriage and family life. Now we have a third generation affected by ethics and values that work against marriage more than for it.
What can be done to improve the situation? Let us recognize the reality that slowly but surely over the years, the social forces for marriage have not been loud enough and strong enough to prevent the decline in long-term marriages by more people. We as adults need to first look in the mirror and ask what we are doing about marriage. What example do we set for our kids and other young people?
To come up with some solutions, let us look at some common types of male and female relationships that have developed.
1. Living Together - Some adults meet someone and after becoming acquainted, they decide to live together without marriage. This has become quite common. In a few cases the topic of children comes up. Then marriage is discussed in order to offer more security and support for kids.
2. Divorce - Many adults get married originally. However, years later divorce happens for a variety of reasons. In some cases, there is friendly separation of the man and woman. They can have shared custody of the kids. However, in other cases there are disputes over kids and money and property.
3. Lifetime Marriage - Lots of couples develop stronger relationships that last throughout life. This is what marriage is supposed to be for everyone. Obviously, such marriages are based on a lot of good reasons that support marital success. The limitation of these marriages is they end with death.
4. Marriage for Forever - Some couples do not want to lose their marital partner because of death. They want marriage that will last forever. This means they will still be married after physical death and beyond their resurrection. To obtain this, longer term commitment and perspective are required, along with greater spirituality. These marriages are held only in special buildings dedicated to God. The couple commits to doing certain things and God promises marriage forever in return if the couple remains faithful to the end. Since our wedding, we have met specific criteria to earn marriage forever.
To emphasize good marital relationships, let me use my wife and I to demonstrate what can happen in marriage.
We met and dated for a few months. There was no premarital sex. We were a good match for each other. We were both ready to marry within a few weeks and got married in four months.
I have played the masculine role, and she is the feminine role. There was never any role confusion. Unisex ideas were never considered nor utilized.
We followed this general counsel. Marry someone like yourself in important matters and there will still be room for individuality. We had the same religion. We agreed on politics. We both wanted a large family. We each wanted and eventually obtained college education that would lead to professional careers. We were willing to relocate for jobs. We wanted to live in our own home. We both demanded to have a neat and clean house. This list goes on.
We developed good teamwork. Communication was critical. We shared common values, ethics, and goals.
We agreed on the teaching, coaching, and counseling of our children while living in our home. This has gone on in limited ways with our kids, who are now adults.
We, the parents were in charge and not the kids. This occurred with children and teenagers and young adults in college. We agreed on when and how to discipline our kids.
We agreed on the division of responsibilities in the family and home life. For example, she likes to cook, and I like to eat her cooking, plus I will clean up the kitchen thereafter.
We enjoy many of the same things. We like to read, but her books are not always my books. We like movies. We continue to take walks almost daily. We have visited many historic sites and museums. We have taken trips to ocean beaches on a regular basis over the years.
Over time we have gone through many different experiences and met lots of challenges. We have proven our faithfulness to each other and to God. We have earned the right to be with each other forever.
Let us compare our list above to your list. How well are you and your mate matched for each other? How is your teamwork? What about good communication? Do you share the same values, ethics, and goals? How successful have you both been in raising children? What activities do you share, and which ones do you do separately? Do you have common religious beliefs? Do you still feel the same way now as you did when you got married? If so, can you build an even better relationship?
In conclusion, what type of marital relationship do you want? Are you willing to work to get what you want? Discuss long-term marriage with your husband or wife. Verify that you are both on the same page or visualize the same future together. Are each of you willing to do your part in bringing success to this important area?
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