Parenting Is Not the Same Today
Parenting is as important today as it ever was, but the quality of parenting has gone down. As a parent should consider ways to offer quality parenting to each child.
By Colleen K Pulley
I passed by a grandmother that was telling her granddaughter about the joy of climbing her favorite oak tree when she was young. I smiled to myself as I thought of the many stories I had passed on to my grandchildren about my own childhood. This got me thinking about the differences between the generations.
During my childhood families were bigger, usually four or more children in each house. I don't remember my mother or father monitoring my activities. The older children were generally the day-to-day teachers of the younger ones. Everyone walked to school together, without our parents. As soon as the younger children knew their way to school, they were expected to walk to school with the other younger children. Generally, we were expected to complete our school assignments with little help from mom or dad.
The small unincorporated town I grew up in had a grammar school that was originally built in the late 1890’s. It had been updated over the years but maintained its outward appearance. It taught 1st through 5th grade, and then a school bus took you into the next town for middle school and high school.
Unless we had specific chores that needed to be done, our time was pretty much free. There were few restrictions on us as children. I was never afraid to go anywhere.
By the time I was seven I could tell my mom I was going to my friend’s house three blocks away, and I was free to go, unsupervised. By the time I was eight I would go to my friend’s house six blocks away.
My husband grew up in a small town in Washington. His childhood was like mine.
He said he walked seven blocks to school on his own, despite the weather. He could arrive by 8:00 AM, grab the sports equipment and go out and play with other boys on the playground for 45 minutes before school started. He often reminisced that there was such freedom in his childhood.
By eight he would pack a sack lunch, tell his mom he was going to Snipe’s Mountain with his friend Kirk. Together they would pull his red wagon to the top of Snipes Mountain, which was about 3 miles away, and be gone for hours.
By age 9 he was beginning to help his older sister mow and trim the lawn. By age 10 he was mowing the lawn with a power mower, by himself.
Ages 7-10 he and a neighbor boy would sleep outside in a tent during the summer.
He got his first tool set at age 9. His dad had all types of tools and knew how to use them.
At age 10 he got a microscope. Then at age 11 he got his first chemistry set. For the next two years he got more chemistry materials. In those days you could go to the local drug store with a pharmacy and actually buy chemicals.
Both Leland and I were free to explore and experience life, stumble and fall, learn from our mistakes, then get up and keep growing. Very different than what many children are experiencing today.
In contrast to small town life, we as parents accepted jobs in cities. Our children were raised in the suburbs. There, we were more concerned about where and who our children were playing with. We also knew who their teachers were and if and what their assignments were, and whether we needed to help them with a project. As parents, generally we still trusted the teachers and adults they were interacting with.
As parents it was apparent that birth control, and encouraging women to seek a career, had increased the number of women in the workforce. The phenomenon of single-family homes due to divorce or choice was more prevalent. However, at that time there were still some women who were fulltime homemakers, like me. This meant some of my children had friends who were from homes similar to ours. Often several of the mothers would plan activities, where we took four or five children to a park or on an outing, so they could play together. This also provided the mothers with an opportunity where they could observe how the children were interacting as individuals, as well as a group. These activities were a prime example of the training of a child, being the responsibility of the parents.
Fast forward to today. The housing development we live in is full of young families. These young couples have two jobs and two cars. Many have 1-2 kids and sometimes a dog. Children are put into daycare, then preschool, and finally public school for 12 years. So, who is really in charge of children or has the most impact on their development? While taking our walks around the neighborhood and working in our yard, we get a chance to observe the interaction of these families. We often compare what we see to what we experienced while growing up. Though our children were raised in the suburbs, they still had some independence, and freedom to learn from their mistakes. We often shake our heads as we observe today’s children and their parents.
We have watched hovering parents trying to protect their children against any fall or disappointment. Often this overprotection produces a child who is unable to solve the challenges he encounters in life. The same thing is true for the parents who haven’t faced any hardships.
Recently the news highlighted a family who had escaped the Palisades LA fires. They had lost everything, but as the father hugged his family, he said things can be replaced, but our family couldn’t. And that, folks, says it all. Be sure you and your family developed the strength to face life’s experiences. Just something to think about. Until later…Colleen
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