Baby Boomers and Their Kids
Good parental methods should not change much for each new generation.
By Colleen K Pulley
My husband and I are Baby Boomers. What we experienced as adults is different than what our kids have experienced. There are even more differences showing up with our older grandchildren who have entered adulthood.
Many of our parents did not have the money to pay out for college education, orthodontics, or contacts. They helped us by teaching the value of saving, work ethics, and encouraged us to get what we could from life.
It struck me that when we were in our twenties and thirties, we were busy with our children, moving around the country to advance Leland’s career, busily settling into our first home, going to church, and attending school activities for our children.
As I compared the opportunities we had in the eighties and nineties, to what the twenty and thirty-year-old couples are experiencing today, I realized what a difference their lives are to ours. I went back to school, got a nursing degree, and started grad school. I went to work in an intense work environment and was considered an expert in my specialty. We were one of the baby boomers who had a home and stocks; could take a trip when we wanted; and felt we had earned the right to receive the praise of our peers.
If you are where we are, looking at your children, what do you see? Are you puzzled by the lack of ambition some of your children have? Do you wonder why they seem to waste time? Do you ever find yourselves comparing them to you, and think, “We were willing to work two jobs, eat macaroni and cheese, go without, and drive a car held together with duct tape; why aren’t they willing to do the same to get what we have?”
Let me give you a dose of the hard facts. The reason your children often do not seem as willing to work for what they get is YOU. Who wanted them to have all the opportunities you never had? Who provided the private lessons, little league baseball camps, orthodontics, contacts, charge cards, cell phones, name-brand wardrobes, cars, and all the things we had to work to get?
In the intensive care units where I have worked, I saw young people who didn’t have jobs that would ever lead to a sense of pride, and certainly would never allow them to buy a home, have stocks, and forget investments, let alone provide insurance coverage. They have been raised in homes where they used the charge card to buy what their parents were working for. Their parents shake their heads when they realize their kids are in debt, and often unable to care for their own needs, without the help of mom and dad.
Let us review some recent social events in society. As the world has become smaller, and the rest of the world’s people began saying they wanted a piece of the American Dream, it was our industries, and jobs, and lifestyles that had to adjust to those changing economics. We put both men and women to work and sang songs in praise of the fact that a woman could be a wife, lover, mother, and high-powered executives. The extra income boosted the economy for a while, but as inflation slowly ate into the extra money, songs telling women they could do, and have it all faded into silence. After a while we were not working because we wanted our extra toys, but it was required to pay the bills and put gas in the car.
The family size began to shrink, as the cost of raising children went up. Our children began spending longer hours in daycare, and concerns about their safety at the hands of those care givers started appearing, and new worries were plaguing parents.
When the Equal Rights amendment was trying to get passed in the 1970's, women who supported it thought burning their bras, and calling men chauvinist pigs would be able to ram rod through a bill that as time went by was losing its popularity. It did not pass, and many women still seem to think it was the highlight of the women’s movement. At the same time this was going on, young men were burning their draft cards, supporting revolutionary movements, marching in the streets, running off to Canada to avoid the draft, and burning flags. These attitudes and actions had an impact on our lives today, and the things we do now. They also have had an impact on the children we produced.
As parenting disintegrated, single parenting began to rise, and the government became more involved in parenting issues. Suddenly psychologists, Social Workers, and Pollsters began telling us there was no evidence to support the theory that children raised in single parent homes performed poorer and were at a higher risk for problems associated with life. The efforts of these groups helped some parents feel they were not the cause of any failures, and they continued their lifestyles with a clear conscience, or so they told themselves.
Time has shown there is a relationship with a child’s family life and the person he or she will become. If you want your children to get married and have kids, then exemplify this to them. If you enjoy reading, you must expose kids to books and reading. If you want your children to appreciate art or music, be sure these things are a part of their daily diet. Recently we were talking to the director of a community organization that served families in the inner city. On her wall was a poster that expressed this same thought, “I AM SPECIAL, GOD DOESN’T MAKE JUNK”. Your child is special, and your job is to make every effort to ensure he or she has the tools to be the best that that they can be. Just something to think about, until later, Colleen.
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